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Little devotions from the LAEFC blogging team to encourage you in your walk with God.

The life wide open by Laura Zimmerman

Posted by Heather Donmoyer on OP2er @ 2:09 PM


From the original blog here. Copied with permission.

 

The life wide open

 
                 by Laura Zimmerman
 
  
I sat down to write this last night.  The kids were in bed, my fingers were itching to type.  I opened this up, wiggled my fingers in preparation, and then... they froze.  Along with my brain and my inspiration.  Then a baby cried, then an 8 year old wasn't tired all of a sudden.  And then fear set in.  I was afraid to write this, which gave me a clue that I NEEDED to write this.  I couldn't though...not last night.  So I woke up this morning, went to Bible study, and GOT IT.  The seal on this lesson in my life was pressed onto my heart.  The crying baby and the unsettled child came into clear view not as distractions, but as divine instruments.  The fear was definitely not from God, but I'm learning to see fear as a tool now.  If the enemy is trying to put fear in me, my God wants to do something bigger. 

I have lived my life for the cynic.  I have examined my life through the eyes of the-ones-who-cannot-be-pleased.  I have had friends who believe in me, friends who cheer for me.  But I have been in relationships with people who have not.  And those people?  The ones I cannot please?  They are the ones I tried hardest for.  My home was examined through their eyes, my children examined through their eyes, my marriage examined through their eyes, my body examined through their eyes, my very existence...examined through their eyes.  And I always found myself lacking, and I always wanted to be the person they wanted me to be.  After 33 years of this, I have found this to be true--  I CANNOT. 
I just can't.  After 33 years, I have also found this to be true-- it's ok.  It's ok that I cannot be who everyone else wants me to be because that is not who I was made to be.  Instead of examining my existence through the eyes of the critic, the cynic...what if I examined myself through the eyes of the Creator?  The One who knew me before I was formed, the One who lovingly spoke me intoexistence and the One who lovingly speaks to me today.  What if I allowed His voice to be the loudest and His gaze to linger?  What if HE was Who mattered the most? 

Well then, that's a different life altogether, isn't it?  It's the life wide open, the one where He sets my feet on the high places of old, the one where He wears the crown of victory and places one on my head as well.  It's the life where my chin is lifted and my head is held high.  Not in pride, but in assurance of my position...through HIM.  He is the One Who gives me my status, He is the One Who I allow to speak over me.  And if His words are to be a standard, then that affects how I speak to people, and how I allow myself to be spoken to.  Beth Moore has blessed my life in ways that I do not think I will ever be able to articulate, but let me just say...today, in our study of James, I was given the freedom to simply say, "No thank you."  I will not receive expectations from others that I simply will never be able to meet... and I do not want to be the person that sets another up to fail.  I'm going to stop listening to the old voices that tell me I've messed up too much and I don't want to be that voice to others.  Because here's the thing... the scary, messy, senseless thing-- I can't mess up too much, and neither can you.  That is the grace of God that covers it all.  Because I HAVE messed up.  And so has anyone reading this.  But God's grace is the scary, messy, senseless thing.  It is not the easy thing, but it is the thing of freedom. 

So a call to action, then.  To turn to the God Who will "abundantly pardon" (Isaiah 55:7), so that we may "...go out with joy and be led forth with peace" and see that the "mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you. (Isaiah 55:12a)"  I want to see that, don't you?!  Listen to what He says in His word...

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.  Behold, I will do something  new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it?  I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:18-20

So I can't.  I can't run myself down trying to meet expectations that can never be met.  I can't keep calling to mind the former things when God is trying to show me this new thing.  And I don't want to be that voice for another, either.  My heart is to see the new things, and to see them with others is so much greater than seeing them alone.  Oh, does He have STUFF for US to SEE! Let's go then.  Let's live the life wide open.
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